Monday, 13 September 2010

UNdane Monday:- The Nice Yet Pointless Question (Roald Dahl, Toasters, Other Stories).

Toaster Wall

'Toaster Wall' by Ross

Today would have been Roald Dahl's 94th birthday.

I don't know about you but I wish I'd met him.

And my favourite Roald Dahl book was The Twits. (What was yours?)

To celebrate, here are the answers I received when I asked everyone I know via three different electronic mediums the following faintly absurd question:-

Do you own a toaster? Does it do anything special? What would be your ideal toaster?

Vader Toaster

My toaster has blue neon lights on the side that count down the time till the toast is done. I think thats pretty cool. It also smells like burning plastic though, which is not so cool.

As mine is a £5 Argos alcheapo, it sometimes burns the toast and sometimes does not even switch on.

I used to have a toaster that a) smelt of burning plastic and b) vibrated/hummed whilst it burnt the toast! It too was £5 but from Woolworths!

I have a toaster. It turns bread brown and crispy. Thats about it.

My toaster sets off the smoke alarm.

My toaster doesn't even toast bread.


'Toaster' by H. Wren

Mine can only accommodate two slices of bread at a time, this is obviously a complete nightmare. My ideal toaster would be a four-slice...

my toaster at work only toasts one side of the bread...

It's not as good as our old Parkinson Cowan grill, which toasted our bread with its dangerous napalm. The toaster is green, plastic, and sounds like a cybertronic tortoise. It has several buttons that are nice to touch but as for their actual functions - not a clue, the key's been worn off. My ideal toaster would resemble a 50's diner, all chrome and blue neon lights, with red hot filaments on the inside, and when the bread was done, it'd make the sound of an alarm clock going off.

I like toasters that toast things.

Er, my toaster is a beautiful red Delonghi 4 slice. It has muffin and bagel settings too. Nothing overly special but it matches the kettle. My ideal toaster would have a little grill underneath with a tray so I can heat up croissants without having to turn on the oven. However, if it could get the bread out of the bag, toast it and then put peanut butter on it and put it on a plate, that would be good too.

red toaster

'Red Toaster' by Snappy Shop

My current toaster is evil and nearly electrocutes people when they use it. My ideal toaster has 4 slots, blue lights and the voice of the computer from Star Trek.

My toaster has a rack attached which you can slide on top to warm your buns! And it is very effective!

My ideal toaster would be a transparent one so that you can see when it is done. It should also be shaped like a bunny rabbit and you push it's tail to cancel.

Toaster Invasion II

'Toaster Invasion' by Unity

My toaster is nothing special. If I could have one that did something magical it would make toast that has the option of added cheese. Instant cheese toaster, yum.

It's s**t. It's Tesco Value and cost £3.50. My ex bought it for me. Not sure if it still works. It doesn't do anything special. I'm not a toaster kinda guy.

Claire says her toaster is good and can do 4 slices...

From this we have learned that most of us need to invest in better quality toasters.

Good Morning Sunshine Toaster Teapot

'Good Morning Sunshine Toaster Teapot' by Kristin Miller

My own toaster burns smiley faces into one side of the bread. And I find this quite sinister to be honest.

toaster cat

'Toaster Cat' by Heather


  1. Danny: Champion of the World :)

    My toaster has a neon blue ring around it for no other reason than it's cool, I think.

    Does anyone else dip buttered toast into coffee? I want to know I'm not the only one!

  2. I'm sorry, but does that not look like a man's hand in the pocket of that toaster apron to you?
    hi chris :)

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