When I was 21 I bought a hamster. I should have known better. Here are the diary entries from that slightly bizarre, flour-baby inspired period in my too-young-to-have-children-too-old-for-small-rodent-like-pets life.
November 13 2005:
Spurred on in part by Karen and her fish buying adventures, I did something on Saturday I have been meaning to do since I moved back home - bought a hamster! Actually he was free as the shop forgot to charge me for him.
He is brown with white patches. His name is Gordon Ramsey and he is going to make me some fantastic culinary delights. As soon as he stops hoarding all his food in his little house and then weeing on it.
Aww he's so cute and fluffy and today he weed on my hand. He likes to wee.
November 15 2005:
Gordon Ramsey is doing okay. I want to buy some more tunnels to attach to his cage as I'm worried that he is bored. I thought that he slept too much until last night, when I had him in my room with me (I don't like leaving him alone). LOUDEST hamster known to man. He spent the WHOLE night climbing up the side of the cage, knawing the bars for ten minutes and then falling down splat in the sawdust, before repeating the process. This morning he was curled up again all innocent as if nothing had happened, but the nice new cage I bought him is all chewed up around the edges. You can see all the places where he's tried his hardest to get out in the night. Naughty hamster. I keep waiting for him to display some kind of culinary talent, but all he does is painstankingly transfer all his food from the bowl to his little house every time I feed him - making several journeys from one to the other - and then wees on it all once it's where he wants it. And then he goes to sleep on it. I've never seen the real Gordon Ramsey do that on TV, although really, who knows what he gets up to in private?
November 19 2005:
Gordon Ramsey is biting the bars of his cage. He wants to get out and cook some soup on the stove for me.
November 28 2005:
-Gordon Ramsey is still okay. He likes to run in his wheel and the other day threw an enormous tantrum when I disconnected it so I could hear the TV. He kicked all the food out of his bowl onto the floor and then went and sat in the corner with his back to me. Teenagers eh?
December 15 2005:
Gordon Ramsey has grown up into an adult. Awwww. Maybe I should follow suit.
December 28 2005:
Had a bit of a panic earlier when I realised that Gordon Ramsey had chewed up one of his toys and thought he had eaten one of the small bits and therefore was choking to death. Spent ages searching the cage for said piece whilst Gordon Ramsey climbed all over me in a state of high excitement, not looking much like he was choking. Then I found it hidden in his sawdust. Have decided to put him up for adoption because he scared the life out of me and also weed on me again. Gah.